Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
