OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
