we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
