I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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