is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize