That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
