I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
