i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize