did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want her autograph on my taint
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
