I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
