Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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