So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
