would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
