You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize