She just used a chaser for red wine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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