Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
