I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
