i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
