I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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