so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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