There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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