Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
