i just google imaged poop.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
