K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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