I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
