a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
