I wannas sexs uuuuu
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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