Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
