So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
