I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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