I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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