Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
