Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
