a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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