Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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