for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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