and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
