the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
