that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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