i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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