i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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