Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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