man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
