Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
