my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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