I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
pop tarts are not kleenex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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