All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
sex in a hospital.. check
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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