Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
