if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
