so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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