k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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