how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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