dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
