Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
