hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
