Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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