You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
