My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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