the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
