I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
