I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
