This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
