I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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