haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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