I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
