Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
