wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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